If we called my mom right now, she’d probably say that growing up, I was a complainer. If I didn’t like where we were going, what we were doing or what we were eating, everyone was going to hear about it. Now granted this was one I was 10 (ok, when I was 15).
Why do people complain? Well for one thing, complaining makes you feel better. It allows you to vent and blow off steam. It gives you a feeling that you have control and impact on the situation. Thing thing is though, you don’t always have control. That is where we need to explore the differences between the types of complaining. In one type, complaining can be good. In the other, it’s worthless.
There are two different types of complaining:
1. Complaining about stuff you CAN control
2. Complaining about stuff you CANNOT control
Let’s break them down:
Complaining about stuff you CAN control
This can actually be a good thing. If you think there are problems or things that can be done better, speak up! Share your ideas and express your opinion. No organization can be succesful with just “yes-men”… great leaders want to be surrounded by people that will challenge them to be better and complain when things aren’t the best that they can be.
In this scenario, we want to make sure complaining translates into creative problem solving. Identifying a problem is step 1, but you need tangible action items if you want to actually resolve that problem.
Complaining about stuff you CANNOT control
This is what I was notorious for growing up. A good example was when my dad was picking me up from school, he forgot the car rack needed to bring my bike home. As a result, I had to leave my bike at school. I was ruthless, I wouldn’t let him hear the end of it. The problem with that is that as much as I complained and made sure my dad felt stupid for what he did, I did nothing to change the situation. Complaining in that situation did nothing to remedy it… it was worthless and made me look like a jerk.
Sometimes you are going to be in situations that suck. But complaining highlights your weakness. It shows that you are difficult and inflexible. So, even when you think it will make you feel better to start complaining about a sucky situation, consider which category it falls into. If it is something you cannot control, keep the complaints internal, and save your energy for taking action on the items that you have control over.